The Invasion Is Complete

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After an “exciting” three-day drive and a day or two of dealing with the ensuing trauma, I’ve finally gotten my computer set back up and running, now with an additional monitor, because I am all that is badass.  I’m not quite sure what to use it for other than being able to stare at my inbox while I game and wait desperately for the “COME WORK FOR US” email that I think may have gotten lost somewhere on The Intranetz, but The Fiance assures me that I’m going to love it.  So far, all that’s happening is a major difference in color profiles and native resolution that is aggravating my OCD something awful.

Making a cohesive blog post about everything that’s gone on over the past few days, however, is a bit difficult.  Most of it has been normal, uneventful stuff — driving a lot, eating crappy food on the road, unpacking — but there are a few highlights scattered throughout that I will instead share as short little blurbs to hopefully give everyone an idea of just how I’m doing here in Irvine.

Don’t Ever Take The 8.  Trust Me.

I promised my mother that I would not go into great detail about our “navigational adventure” on my blog, so all I will say is that no matter what the road atlas may tell you, the 8 does not actually go through flat desert and allow you to bypass mountainous areas you’d have to contend with on the 10.  It actually makes you go through an even more horrific-at-night mountainous area up to an elevation of near 5,000 feet with multiple border patrol checkpoints and if you have vertigo you’ll probably want to die.  It is not, in fact, a shortcut, and will instead tack on an additional 2 to 3 hours as you desperately try to figure out where the Hell you are and not drive off the edge of a cliff.  That’s all I have to say about that.

Irvine Is Really Posh

I knew that Irvine was a pretty rich/super-nice area, but I was completely unprepared.  All of the buildings are new, and even the city areas are landscaped with lush green plants and trees.  There are parks and gardens everywhere, a shopping mall full of nothing but designer boutiques, and it’s clean beyond belief.  The apartment I’m living in now is more like a house.  It’s freaking huge.  I’m still getting lost in the hallway trying to find my bedroom.  To be honest, I’m afraid to touch anything in it, because I feel like I’m going to break something that costs more than I will make in my entire life.  I’m trying to embrace it by becoming more posh myself, but in doing that have determined that I need more practice because I still keep saying shit like “holy balls!” when I see something amazing in public.  In other news, I’m working on the script for a new musical called My Fair Bunny.

I Was On Blizzard Campus Today

Not inside the buildings or anything, but I did get to walk up to the orc statue and touch it.  That was pretty cool.

Ikea Will Be The Death Of Me

The Fiance and I needed a few things, since we didn’t have the room to bring any furniture or anything really other than the necessities.  There’s an Ikea not far from the apartment that is so massive it actually has its own freeway exit and a street named after it.  Because I live in Southern California now, I had to make sure that I looked totally cute, because that is how we do things in Orange County.  To me, this involves kitten heels.  I had never been to an Ikea before today, so how was I supposed to know that this was a bad idea?  “Wear flats,” The Fiance warned me.  Bah, silly man-type, he has no comprehension of pain tolerance!

About 30 minutes in I had blisters on my toes and the balls of my feet that hurt really badly, but we still had another hour to go and some grocery shopping to do afterwards, so I just Stiff Upper Lipped it for the rest of the day.  If you have never been to Ikea, wear comfortable shoes.  This concludes my public service announcement.

The Parking Lot Of Ralph’s Is The Perfect Spot For A Peep Show

While loading up my purchases at the grocery store, I was momentarily distracted and ended up catching the already-plunging neckline of my dress on the corner of the trunk’s hatch and pulling it down.  To the eight-year-old Asian kid sitting in the car next to us, I apologize for any emotional scarring or early puberty that may have resulted.  Sadly, this is not the first time that I have accidentally corrupted a child with my bosoms, because this one time I was late to work and spilled coffee on my shirt in the car and had to change it mid-drive but did not realize that I was doing so in the middle of an elementary school zone at 8:15 in the morning.  I should probably just not be allowed around other people without a turtleneck.

I still don’t have a job, half of my stuff is still in boxes, and my sciatic has still not recovered from three days of being jabbed in the ass by a seatbelt while trying to sleep, but I can honestly say this whole plan was totally worth it.

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5 responses »

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